


.youre.fine.

by tired_uninspired



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Autism, Fluff, M/M, Selectively mute, Sensory Overload, Sign Language, also kind of like. a life story, it’s sad at first, then it gets cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:14:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26096950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tired_uninspired/pseuds/tired_uninspired
Summary: awsten’s having a hard day.geoff fixes it.
Relationships: Awsten Knight/Geoff Wigington
Kudos: 17





	.youre.fine.

**Author's Note:**

> kinda a rant fic abt what i’m going through rn kinda some other stuff i want for the future plus some fluff :)

“you’re fine, awsten.”

the words echoed in his head.

what the fuck was that supposed to mean? what was he even doing wrong? the noise was loud, and he covered his ears. that shouldn’t have even affected the person!

covering his ears didn’t do any harm. it did the exact opposite. for the two seconds before that comment was made.

then he had to take his hands down, and he had to listen to that fucking noise.

he couldn’t get his mind off of it. he’d already missed two turns walking home. 

this happened a lot. he’d start to feel himself getting overloaded, but people would make comments about how he coped. he felt like what he was doing was bad, so he stopped. then it just got worse, and he got yelled at for being in a bad mood.

it’s not like he could control it! if he could that would be amazing. it’s not like he liked having this happen.

for the longest time he didn’t even realize anything was wrong. he thought his feelings were normal. he was just overreacting. 

over time he realized that wasn’t it. 

it was little things- the near-constant stimming, the sensory sensitivity, the selective mutism when he was overwhelmed or upset, the whole people-being-upset-with-him-for-being-too-blunt thing.

there were other things he noticed more and more over time. 

he was very particular with details. 

when he tried to comfort someone, he felt like he always gave the wrong response. it was always not enough, so he tried for more, then it was too much, or it was insensitive, or not what they were looking for. 

apparently he didn’t express it when he liked people enough? that was something he never managed to understand.

he had no idea what was wrong with him. there had to be something, though. some kind of explanation so he could accept these things. who knows, maybe even fix them. 

and that’s when he heard someone talking about their experience having autism. 

everything seemed to fall into place. not even the things that stood out most. everything. even his suspected ocd seemed to line up more with this.

the more research he did, the more it made sense.

he’d never really thought of it before. the way he learned about it when he was brought up seemed so different from the reality. 

it took him forever to actually get a diagnosis. he was still in denial. it should have been noticed when he was a kid, right? generally that’s how it worked. 

and it’s not like people ever pointed it out. sure, he got comments on little things, but no one ever asked about autism. he seemed normal enough (although he later realized how horrible that sounded).

but it kept bothering him. 

he needed an explanation. he needed to know if this was it.

and it was.

he was upset when he learned that. even though he’d been convinced that was it, he didn’t want to hear it. that meant there really was something wrong with him. 

in fact, he still didn’t tell people. 

it didn’t seem like a good idea to him.

from what he could find, people without it had a sort of... twisted view of it. he didn’t want to be treated that different. maybe have people understand, but not try to shelter him from everything. maybe they wouldn’t, but he didn’t want to risk it.

he had geoff, though. 

geoff knew.

and he was close to home, the one he shared with geoff, the person who understood him. 

when he realized this, he picked up his pace. 

he tried his best to focus on seeing geoff until he got home. maybe he could cheer himself up before getting inside.

he certainly felt better by the time he got through the door.

“awsten!” geoff exclaimed when he saw the green-haired boy.

‘hi’, awsten signed at the sudden realization he couldn’t talk at the moment. he was better, but not perfect.

he was glad geoff understood that. he used to always tell awsten he could talk and everything was okay. he didn’t realize it was more an issue of being physically able to. talking just felt so... so wrong, or even impossible sometimes. he couldn’t even force himself into it. 

“what happened today?” geoff asked, knowing the sign language meant something went wrong.

‘overloaded. got told i was fine but i wasn’t. i forgot my rings too.’ rings were his favorite thing to stim with. fidgeting with his hands was fine, but his rings helped much more.

“do you need anything?”

he thought for a moment. ‘my rings, but i can get those.’

“tell me if you need anything else.”

awsten nodded before walking into his bedroom and grabbing three rings. two of them were his eye rings, the other was a skull. he put his middle finger and thumb together and had the ring on the edge of the prior. he flipped his hand, letting the ring hit his fingers. it was weird, and he sometimes got asked what he was doing. he liked the way it felt, though.

he came back out to see geoff standing by the kitchen table, fidgeting with his hands. that was a sign he was anxious, awsten recalled.

“i have something for you. i meant to show you this morning but i completely forgot.”

awsten’s eyes widened as he walked over to the table. 

he was sick of not being able to talk. 

he wanted to ask what it was. out loud.

he really hoped that this would wear off soon.

geoff watched awsten’s face light up as he saw the packaging.

‘are these-‘

“ear defenders! everyone i saw said they work really well, and they’re small enough they can pass as headphones! and they match your hair, but that’s not as important.”

awsten picked up the package and opened it quickly, admiring the contents.

geoff smiled, knowing awsten’s lack of an immediate thank you meant he was very excited. it took him forever to get used to that. he used to get really upset over it, which now seemed weird to him. 

in awsten’s mind, he just... always forgot. he got distracted, because he was happy. it almost confused him that he was expected to say that. instead of giving a genuine, happy reaction, he was supposed to give a programmed response, one he’s supposed to say to everyone else too? it seemed... fake.

he tried the ear defenders on. they felt fucking great. they didn’t hurt his head, and the texture was really nice. 

he snapped his fingers a few times, extremely pleased at how quiet the noise was. not gone, but that’s what he wanted. he could hear people talking, but it wasn’t overwhelming.

he was going to love these. he could already tell. he probably wouldn’t start wearing them in public just yet, he’d have to get used to them first, but these were going to make everything so much easier.

and that’s when he pulled geoff into a hug. 

awsten hated hugs, so that was a big deal.

“you’re the fucking best, geoff. i couldn’t do this without you,” he said, finally speaking out loud.

“and i wouldn’t want to do this without you.”


End file.
